My bluntiversary.

I've not always been the stand up and shout kinda girl. Sitting on the fence for so long gives you all kinds of splinters in all the wrong places though. 

It's difficult to changes habits of a lifetime. I'm a serial over thinker, a wisher, optimist and dreadfully loyal. None of this is bad, but it's doormat material. 

I'm nearly twenty- one now, and I'm starting to reach a point in my life where the quantities of fucks I can give is ever decreasing, and I have to ration them out where I see fit. It's not that I have a high esteem of myself: but someone has to give a shit. 

I've found a whole heap of new confidence. I'm not sure if it was lurking in the fucking hench Monster Starbucks I had a few months ago, and some shitty inspirational quote got me quick started, but I found some lady balls. It's not bolshy, or bitchy. I often repelled people with admirable razor sharp bluntness, but  I'm finding my flair. 

So, recently, adapting to this new approach has been tough. People struggle to get onboard with the plan, and those that fall behind get left behind. 

Firstly, I've realised I need to get my crap together- become independent, become responsible, be respectful, be resourceful and accountable for my actions. It's all very well looking at others for the cause of an issue, but I've always had a voice, I just chose not to use it.  Age is a number, and although I'm out of my teens, I've only recently began to grown up. From the simple stuff, like looking after my body... salads and vitamins and moisturising after all this shit you think looks after itself. Money- having a job and  not relying on the good ol' bank of Ma & Pa. Even if it's stacking shelves: I'm really not proud. 

And then the tougher ones... The ones that involve other people. The relationships, the friendships, the family. I have an ever decreasing circle, it would often seem. I'm pissing a few people off because the sucking up and pleasing I used to pride myself with providing is actaully replaced with honesty. Those who stick around are the ones who never abuse loyalty. This is a lesson I will not forget with haste. 

Life is too short for prancing around the bush. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this takes me.