It's a new year, and I thought I'd treat you all to a new blog post. Conventionally, it would be something along the lines of speaking about news year resolutions, hopes and dreams for the next 12 months, something heart warmingly optimistic.
But this is me. My only resolution is to become slighty more socially acceptable, and has been the same resolution since I was 10, and my Mum broke it too me that velcro shoes were not okay at my age. Alas, I've decided to treat you to things that have already pissed me off, 6 days into this new year.
1) Girls moaning about their diets over facebook. I know you only do this so people will say "oh you're not fat!" or "you're perfect the way you are, ily xoxoxoxxo". no, please kindly fuck off my news feed thanks and have a cupcake. your diet will last another 3 days, and then you'll tag yourself in McDonalds.
2) Girls who make the statement "new year, new me". The one that irritates me is the "new hair, new me". I recently got a haircut myself. It doesn't mean I suddenly gain a boyfriend, become less tragic and lose 10lbs. It means, and I shit you not, that the hair on top of my head sits in a different fashion than before.
3) 14 year olds that complain about their hangover on New Years Day. And how was that one watered down WKD for you?
4) January sales. Don't get me wrong, I'm a student. I never have to think twice about getting new, cheaper clothes. But so much concentrated oestrogen in one small crowded Topshop calls for disaster. Especially when you and this really hipster girl both spot the same t-shirt for £12, and she literally snatches from your hands. Go die purple hair girl. Go die.
5) People who take down the decs before New Years Day. It's similar to someone dying, and people moving into their house on the same day. Let me mourn Christmas a little longer guys. Geesh.
6) January. January is quite an offensive month. That is all.
7) Remembering that there is life after Christmas, and by life, I mean uni. There's a mountain of neglected coursework, with my name on it. Lecturers have already started with the chirpy emails, pretending they're happy the new academic year is about to begin. Stop lying to yourself, okay? Be miserable, it's far better if we're on the same page.
I'm sure something else will offend me quite soon. I'll be sure to blog about it.
Samm. xx
